The following is adapted from Speak Up or Stay Stuck.

I sensed he was mad. Not at me, but I happened to be listening, so I sat with his frustration for a bit. Chas was asked to restructure his department and accommodate a new operating model that his senior leaders were implementing. 

Normally, this wouldn’t bother him, but the decision to change direction came shortly after his department was restructured to accommodate the previously laid-out path, which was now irrelevant. Chas was looking for answers, yet his leaders provided no clear direction. He was fine with whatever the direction was going to be; he just needed the senior leaders to align on the priorities so he didn’t spend time working on the wrong tasks. 

I could tell Chas cared, and I could tell no one was listening. As an organizational change consultant, I knew I could help channel his message to the senior leaders, but I wondered, Why couldn’t he?

Perhaps you find yourself in a situation similar to Chas’s. Perhaps you feel like your workplace has created unnecessary stress in your life, decisions are made on your behalf, and you have limited control. Perhaps you feel stuck, unrepresented, and voiceless. If so, here are some ways that you can grieve and forgive poorly executed workplace changes.

Give Yourself Time

Many of us experience pain in our lives without properly grieving hurtful, and perhaps even harmful, experiences. If you’ve been in the workplace long enough, you’ve likely experienced poorly executed organizational change. As a result, you may have been involved in one or more of the following situations. Have you ever:

• Lost your job without proper explanation or communication?
• Been demoted at work in a way that was shameful?
• Been asked to do a new role without proper training or leadership support?
• Experienced an organizational restructure that brought no clarity on your role or responsibilities?

In all the years I’ve led organizations through change, I’ve recognized that many senior leaders and managers neglect to offer proper time to grieve past failed change initiatives. I see this often when I interview leaders and ask them to describe what they’ve learned from the way past changes have been executed in their organization. Sometimes they share ways that change was executed well, but most stories are not of happy past experiences. 

Grieving is a process, yet most of us fail to give it proper time. If you want to move beyond the feeling of being stuck, grieving is necessary because it acknowledges the past, the hurt, and the loss, and then it frees you to accept the future. 

If you are a busy professional, you may have brushed past your negative experiences with workplace change. You don’t need my permission to grieve, but if this nudges you to do so, please pause and take the time to mentally acknowledge what you’ve experienced. Ask yourself:

• How have my past workplace experiences shaped me into who I am today? 
• What am I holding on to that I need to let go of? 
• How can I position myself to be part of the solution in the future?

Grieving is necessary, but I caution you not to stay there for too long. If you don’t find strength and courage to move forward, your past will remain your present. In an interview, Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned therapist on trauma, suggested that for us to heal from trauma, we must change the way we see trauma: “Trauma is not what happens to you; it’s what happens inside you….We don’t have to allow [trauma] to define our lives.” If we see trauma as a wound that can be healed, we hold the power to leverage change in our favor.

Practice Forgiveness

“The past is dead to me,” said a leader I deeply admire. Her outlook was shocking and compelling. Although she held on to good memories from her past, she chose not to live there but to instead be committed to the present. 

I often think about her remark. Should the past be dead to me? Am I strong enough to make such a bold statement about my past experiences, or should I carry something forward into my future?

The truth is, we can’t change the past. It is done. However, we do have decisions to make about the present and our futures. The beauty of transformation is that we all have a chance to change in the process. Is it possible that our leaders from the past have learned from their mistakes? Is it possible that they regret how people experienced the workplace change and made a commitment to do things differently in the future? Is it possible that, like them, you too have learned something about yourself? 

Perhaps you need to forgive them. Perhaps you need to forgive yourself for how you reacted to changing situations at work—for example, maybe you said something to a colleague that still lingers in your mind. Allow me to share with you exercises that may help with that.

Let it go. If you are holding tightly to a hurt, a grudge, or a pain, could right now be the time to let it go and forgive your former leaders? If you are ready, do this small gesture with me. Put your hands on your heart, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and say this out loud:

I forgive ________ [fill with the name of your leader or yourself] for doing ___________ because I believe better things are in my future.

Although this may feel like a simple exercise, if you do it sincerely, it will transform your outlook on past and future workplace changes. Do it as many times as needed when you find yourself stuck in the past and unable to embrace what’s ahead. Living in past hurt and regret is futile. Doing so brings forth no forward momentum. Grieve the hurt, release it, and learn from it.

Adopt a positive outlook. Close your hand into a fist. Squeeze your fist tightly for a few seconds, take a deep breath, and then release it as you exhale. Repeat the exercise a few times. This simple exercise illustrates a powerful concept. When your hand is closed into a fist, you can’t catch anything new. When your hand is open, you can catch something new. In life, assume an open posture to release hurt and welcome change with a positive outlook.

Move Forward

In Chas’s story, as well as many others, I’ve seen mistakes that could have been easily prevented, which have had a profound impact on employees. Poorly executed workplace changes are all too common. Nevertheless, there are some actions that you can take to help your organization move forward. Acknowledge the impact of workplace change initiatives that did not work out as planned, and once you’ve recognized those past failures, extend grace to your leaders and to yourself so everyone can heal. 

By forgiving and embracing a new perspective, you are turning your past frustration into your inspiration and motivation. 

For more advice on workplace change, you can find Speak Up or Stay Stuck on Amazon.

Pam Marmon is the CEO of Marmon Consulting, a change management consulting firm that provides strategy and execution services to help companies transform. From executives at Fortune 100s to influencers at all levels, Pam helps leaders achieve lasting organizational change with minimal disruption. She is also the bestselling author of No One’s Listening and It’s Your Fault, a book that equips leaders to get their message heard during organizational transformations, and the creator of the LESS change management framework. Pam and her family live in Franklin, Tennessee, and chase adventures wherever the road takes them.